I've been keeping up with my breastcancer.org chemo group weekly. There are so many ladies still in treatment and continuing in the pandemic to deal with compromised immune systems and significant side effects.
Over the weekend a woman messaged me asking about my reconstruction. I replied with a huge email answering all sorts of questions and also offered to talk to her if she wanted. Today, we managed to connect. She's about ten years older than me and was diagnosed in January. She was about to have her surgery and then freaked out after reading a whole lot of information online. She's worried about surgical complications and all her options.
It was nice to be able to help someone. I don't know that she's closer to a decision, but hopefully she got good info from me.
The whole experience made me feel so fortunate to have had such accessible and supportive doctors. I had a lot of faith in my surgeons' recommendations and they provided great info and options. The other woman is questioning everything and isn't really sure what to do. Which I can't even imagine.
Anyway. A week and a half back at work. And it's...going okay. It's been a really slow transition - my manager's being very helpful with that. I've had a couple of client meetings and they've gone well.
My hair is growing in nicely. There may have been an attempt to use trimmers to groom the back, but it didn't go well. To be fair, I did a far worse on Rich's hair than he did on mine. And we stopped very quickly on mine, so I will now just be waiting until salons reopen and go see my stylist who I'm sure will make it more neat.
And I've started working on a quilt. I need to make them for my kids and for us. But I need to start small, so I'm making one for my next door neighbors who had a little girl a few weeks ago. It's going pretty well, so I'm happy with the creating process and am looking forward to going to a larger one.
Wednesday, May 20, 2020
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
The glory, the joy...
...of a shower! I may have taken one last night. Yes, I still have a drain in. And technically, I'm stuck in sponge bath land. But after TWO weeks of that, I couldn't take it anymore. So I put a waterproof dressing over the drain site and just reveled in the joy that is water and soap. Crazy, right?
In the meantime, my drain numbers still aren't going down, so my butt stays in the recliner as much as I can take it. Stupid drain in the middle of my body. I mean, seriously, the only way to keep that area still is to sit. Grr.
The only upside to all this sitting is that there's pretty much no way I'm getting coronavirus except if my husband brings it into the house. We're taking all sorts of precautions to avoid getting the kids and I sick, so hopefully we weather this storm and the world keeps on turning.
Hugs to all! Stay sane!
In the meantime, my drain numbers still aren't going down, so my butt stays in the recliner as much as I can take it. Stupid drain in the middle of my body. I mean, seriously, the only way to keep that area still is to sit. Grr.
The only upside to all this sitting is that there's pretty much no way I'm getting coronavirus except if my husband brings it into the house. We're taking all sorts of precautions to avoid getting the kids and I sick, so hopefully we weather this storm and the world keeps on turning.
Hugs to all! Stay sane!
Thursday, March 19, 2020
Above and beyond
So it's day 8 post op for my DIEP flap reconstruction. That was one day for the procedure, two in the ICU, and then five at home. Today I went in for my first post op.
Going into the hospital was weird. The parking lot was less than half full, which never happens. There were checkpoints at all entrances to confirm people had a reason to enter the building. And once confirmed, I was dosed in antibacterial gel for my hands before they'd let me go up to the clinic. The staff at the surgery clinic were telling me that the employee entrance has been closed to route the employees through the general entrance as well. Like they don't wash their hands immediately upon starting work and...well, kind of all day long. Crazy times.
Anyhow, removing all the drains at once isn't viable apparently - with the abdominal incision, they won't take out both at the same time. (I didn't know that.) They leave one in because it will take over for the one taken out. So we were able to get rid of one abdominal and both upper drains today. YAY!!!
We were also able to remove the hip to hip vacuum dressing today. I've been attached to a little tube which ends in a device, about the size of a really clunky phone, which has been keeping the dressing vacuumed tight against the incision area. The removal of it was unpleasant simply in that my poor skin was unhappy with all the adhesive, but wow, it's shockingly fine, the scab/scar. Not really thick. It's huge - like a purple marker line all the way across my lower abdomen. And my belly button was relocated, which is also weird.
The strangest part of today was that my fabulous, wonderful, unbelievably amazing husband (who is not at all a medical type), removed two of the three drains. My plastic surgeon is trying to minimize visits to the hospital, so she decided that he can remove my last drain at home next week. Seriously.
Once he got over the shock, he decided he wanted to do them today with my surgeon in the room so that he didn't freak out. And he did great. Even with the gross clots that come out with the end of the tube and whatnot. He took out both the upper and abdominal drains on my left. And is feeling reasonably confident about taking out the last one next week.
I managed to get a tank top on before the new binder was hitched around my body. It feels oodles better than having the binder directly against my skin. I can't use compression-wear until the drain is out because of how it's positioned, so the binder is my friend for at least another few days. At least I've figured out taking it off and repositioning it at night so that I'm more comfortable.
My surgeon talked me through stuff people do after this initial surgery since we had the time to talk. I was like, why the f**k would I do more? It makes sense, though - until all the swelling goes down and the tissue settles in, like another seven weeks or so, I won't know how it looks. Any augmentation from here on out, though, also includes lipo, as fat from elsewhere in my body is used to do the shaping. Which is kind of icky.
I was definitely on the no plastic surgery train before all this cancer crap. It never ever would have occurred to me to have any non medically recommended surgery, much less a tummy tuck. My abdominal shape is just weird right now. I really didn't have much issue with my little (okay, maybe not so little) poochy belly. At times it's been pretty firm (late twenties were a great time), but certainly after pregnancy, it hasn't really ever rebounded well. Even so, I never would have gone to surgery to shrink it. It's so strange, feeling my lower abs. And seeing it all unwrapped today is just surreal.
The idea of further augmentation requiring lipo to get the fat to use for it, is just...sigh. It's too much for me to process today. Or for a while. I suppose it's not the end of the world, but I also don't think I'll do it unless I really have specific things I'm unhappy about once all the healing is done. Because lipo is not a walk in the park, either. And one thing I've learned about myself in all this? Compression is seriously uncomfortable. And right now, I just have abdominal compression. If I do a procedure involving lipo, apparently, the area of my body from which the fat is taken also has to be under compression for a few weeks. Which sounds kind of awful.
Anyway, that's where my brain is right now. When it's not avoiding dealing with COVID-19 information and my kids and husband being home when they're not supposed to be. My butt sits in a chair for a significant amount of time every day right now - that's what I have to do to force myself to let my body heal. It's hard - I'm a fidgety person, but right now, that's what it's taking. So far, I've made it through two seasons of Top Chef. I also started some shows - Elementary with the boy, Lego Masters with both kids, and Making It with the girl. I don't know how much longer I can take all this, though. It's not really conducive to relaxing and healing to have everyone home all the time. It is happening, for better or worse. The kids have been pretty good. I just have to resist moving about and keep my butt in my chair as much as possible for another couple of weeks.
Going into the hospital was weird. The parking lot was less than half full, which never happens. There were checkpoints at all entrances to confirm people had a reason to enter the building. And once confirmed, I was dosed in antibacterial gel for my hands before they'd let me go up to the clinic. The staff at the surgery clinic were telling me that the employee entrance has been closed to route the employees through the general entrance as well. Like they don't wash their hands immediately upon starting work and...well, kind of all day long. Crazy times.
Anyhow, removing all the drains at once isn't viable apparently - with the abdominal incision, they won't take out both at the same time. (I didn't know that.) They leave one in because it will take over for the one taken out. So we were able to get rid of one abdominal and both upper drains today. YAY!!!
We were also able to remove the hip to hip vacuum dressing today. I've been attached to a little tube which ends in a device, about the size of a really clunky phone, which has been keeping the dressing vacuumed tight against the incision area. The removal of it was unpleasant simply in that my poor skin was unhappy with all the adhesive, but wow, it's shockingly fine, the scab/scar. Not really thick. It's huge - like a purple marker line all the way across my lower abdomen. And my belly button was relocated, which is also weird.
The strangest part of today was that my fabulous, wonderful, unbelievably amazing husband (who is not at all a medical type), removed two of the three drains. My plastic surgeon is trying to minimize visits to the hospital, so she decided that he can remove my last drain at home next week. Seriously.
Once he got over the shock, he decided he wanted to do them today with my surgeon in the room so that he didn't freak out. And he did great. Even with the gross clots that come out with the end of the tube and whatnot. He took out both the upper and abdominal drains on my left. And is feeling reasonably confident about taking out the last one next week.
I managed to get a tank top on before the new binder was hitched around my body. It feels oodles better than having the binder directly against my skin. I can't use compression-wear until the drain is out because of how it's positioned, so the binder is my friend for at least another few days. At least I've figured out taking it off and repositioning it at night so that I'm more comfortable.
My surgeon talked me through stuff people do after this initial surgery since we had the time to talk. I was like, why the f**k would I do more? It makes sense, though - until all the swelling goes down and the tissue settles in, like another seven weeks or so, I won't know how it looks. Any augmentation from here on out, though, also includes lipo, as fat from elsewhere in my body is used to do the shaping. Which is kind of icky.
I was definitely on the no plastic surgery train before all this cancer crap. It never ever would have occurred to me to have any non medically recommended surgery, much less a tummy tuck. My abdominal shape is just weird right now. I really didn't have much issue with my little (okay, maybe not so little) poochy belly. At times it's been pretty firm (late twenties were a great time), but certainly after pregnancy, it hasn't really ever rebounded well. Even so, I never would have gone to surgery to shrink it. It's so strange, feeling my lower abs. And seeing it all unwrapped today is just surreal.
The idea of further augmentation requiring lipo to get the fat to use for it, is just...sigh. It's too much for me to process today. Or for a while. I suppose it's not the end of the world, but I also don't think I'll do it unless I really have specific things I'm unhappy about once all the healing is done. Because lipo is not a walk in the park, either. And one thing I've learned about myself in all this? Compression is seriously uncomfortable. And right now, I just have abdominal compression. If I do a procedure involving lipo, apparently, the area of my body from which the fat is taken also has to be under compression for a few weeks. Which sounds kind of awful.
Anyway, that's where my brain is right now. When it's not avoiding dealing with COVID-19 information and my kids and husband being home when they're not supposed to be. My butt sits in a chair for a significant amount of time every day right now - that's what I have to do to force myself to let my body heal. It's hard - I'm a fidgety person, but right now, that's what it's taking. So far, I've made it through two seasons of Top Chef. I also started some shows - Elementary with the boy, Lego Masters with both kids, and Making It with the girl. I don't know how much longer I can take all this, though. It's not really conducive to relaxing and healing to have everyone home all the time. It is happening, for better or worse. The kids have been pretty good. I just have to resist moving about and keep my butt in my chair as much as possible for another couple of weeks.
Wednesday, March 11, 2020
Remarkably calm
I’m heading into surgery today. Having cancer has resulted is a lot of hospital time. At one point in my life, my roommate Alex and I both boasted never having been hospitalized and never having broken a bone. Of course in our advanced age, now, we’ve both broken bones. I think he may have me on hospitalization. I’ve had to stay for giving birth and the stupid infection during chemo. And now for reconstruction.
It’s amazing to me that the mastectomy was outpatient. The reconstruction will be at least three days - today for the twelve hour procedure and then two days at least in the ICU while they check the grafts hourly to make sure they’re taking. Seriously. Hourly.
The complexity of the procedure should probably make me more nervous than it does. It’s just one more step to post cancer normalcy.
I’ve been asked by multiple people whether I’m putting this off because of COVID-19. Uh, no. The surgical suite is sterile and then I’ll be in the ICU. Seems like if I’m going to be semi isolated, the hospital is a pretty practical place to be stuck. I figure if I’m going to get it, I’m going to get it. Ideally, it’ll be after I’m mostly recovered from surgery. Coughing is going to be rough for a while.
I’ve been asked by multiple people whether I’m putting this off because of COVID-19. Uh, no. The surgical suite is sterile and then I’ll be in the ICU. Seems like if I’m going to be semi isolated, the hospital is a pretty practical place to be stuck. I figure if I’m going to get it, I’m going to get it. Ideally, it’ll be after I’m mostly recovered from surgery. Coughing is going to be rough for a while.
It’s 5:45AM. I’m going to lose a whole day to surgery. It’s weird to wrap my brain around. I’m already longing for home. Sigh.
Tuesday, March 3, 2020
Ears, ears, ears
So I went back to work. And then I caught a cold. And then I was feeling better and thought all was well and life imploded.
As it turns out, bad ear infections feel like the flu! And I've had so few ear infections that I had no clue that's what it was. The symptoms were so bad that I lost my voice. And I had a cough that wouldn't quit.
It was pretty epic. I lost my voice the weekend my friends came in from out of town. I was whispering all weekend in Napa with them. The worst of it was thinking that I had the flu. And that I might be contagious and my friends would get sick.
Luckily, that's not going to happen! Because ear infections, you know. Not contagious.
So, after a round of antibiotics and some steroids, I'm feeling pretty decent. My ears are clear and my cough has pretty much gone away.
Fingers crossed - this should mean I'm good to go. T minus eight days until surgery!
Meanwhile, my hair fuzz has taken on a life of it's own. It looks almost purposeful. A friend who saw me a few days ago thought I should keep it super short - it's apparently a look she thinks I can pull off. I'm not so sure, but it's nice that it's an option!
Monday, February 10, 2020
Potato Head
I'm feeling a bit Ms. Potato-head-ish lately. My hair is definitely growing in, but so short as to be unremarkable. And my eyebrows are also still just shadows of themselves with a few longer hairs that have survived. It's weird.
And wow, was my stylist right in that shaving my head willingly before was definitely not going to be flattering. My head needs at least some hair to soften the oval-y-ness of it.
Meanwhile, I'm getting over a very normal cold caught from my wonderful husband. Luckily my version was less intense than his. Or my use of sinus rinsing (yay, I can do that again!) reduced the overall impact. I'm definitely on the upside of it, now.
...just in time to go to work next week. Yay!
My three and a half weeks of work will be littered with doctors appointments in anticipation of the surgery and meetings to figure out what to do during that time.
It's also surprisingly busy with playdates for Katie and stuff in general.
And wow, was my stylist right in that shaving my head willingly before was definitely not going to be flattering. My head needs at least some hair to soften the oval-y-ness of it.
Meanwhile, I'm getting over a very normal cold caught from my wonderful husband. Luckily my version was less intense than his. Or my use of sinus rinsing (yay, I can do that again!) reduced the overall impact. I'm definitely on the upside of it, now.
...just in time to go to work next week. Yay!
My three and a half weeks of work will be littered with doctors appointments in anticipation of the surgery and meetings to figure out what to do during that time.
It's also surprisingly busy with playdates for Katie and stuff in general.
Sunday, January 26, 2020
Buzzed
Katie wanted to cut her hair short so I took her to my stylist for her first real cut. It turned out cute and she's happy.
While there, my stylist buzzed my remaining hairs for me. I had what I'd call a wispy Albert Einstein look going on. It wasn't all white, but it was super wispy and thin.
The buzzed scalp feels...weird. It also clings to my hats now which is funny. Katie likes to run her head along it - it's fuzzy, so it feels fun. I'm just waiting for the new fuzz to come in.
I also had my first buzz at my monthly girl's night out with friends on Friday. I had a lovely cocktail called the Last Revolution before dinner that got me nice and mellowed out. It was great to feel semi-normal.
My fingers are slowly improving - I am knitting for the first time in a couple of months, which is nice. My feet are slower to make progress. It's going in the right direction, though, so I'm optimistic.
Two more weeks and then back to work!
While there, my stylist buzzed my remaining hairs for me. I had what I'd call a wispy Albert Einstein look going on. It wasn't all white, but it was super wispy and thin.
The buzzed scalp feels...weird. It also clings to my hats now which is funny. Katie likes to run her head along it - it's fuzzy, so it feels fun. I'm just waiting for the new fuzz to come in.
I also had my first buzz at my monthly girl's night out with friends on Friday. I had a lovely cocktail called the Last Revolution before dinner that got me nice and mellowed out. It was great to feel semi-normal.
My fingers are slowly improving - I am knitting for the first time in a couple of months, which is nice. My feet are slower to make progress. It's going in the right direction, though, so I'm optimistic.
Two more weeks and then back to work!
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